| I ham finding after college that the lessons I learned about people while in college are ever so true. Well, at least what I learned about Oklahoma people |
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| My 18 year old sister is getting married in less than 8 months. I will be 25 years old in 11 days. I work at Starbucks as a Barista in Manhattan for $9 an hour. I typically have to pick up a shift to get 30 hours a week, I am scheduled for 18.75 hours this week, I can't seem to find another job and I have a degree from a private university. I have approximately $22,000 in debt and I am not making enough to cover my bills in a New York apartment in the hood of brooklyn I share with 4 other people.
Those circumstances of those last 2 sentences really aren't such bad things-I lvie with friends and most of that is stident loans that aren't a big stressor.
I wonder what I'm doing here. What the hell am I doing here!?
I have seen and done things I would've have never had the opportunity to see and do had I not moved to New York. I won't have to look back on my life and wonder "What if..."
My dad said something tonight like "Maybe it's time to get on with your life", but in a way that it could've bee followed with "but maybe not, it's honestly for you to decide". And it is. It's time to grow up a little bit and do something with this life, something more than a job in which 30% of the tasks I perform could honestly be done by a trained monkey. |
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| I need to give my life away again and let the chips fall where they may. But I don't know how or where. Then again I guess you give it away first and the how and where are some of the chips.
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| I had another job interview today, the type where I do the interviewing. Wow. |
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| As I was driving to church tonight I realized that this time, when I leave, it won't be like any other time. Before, when I left, there was always the knowledge that eventually I would be coming back to this house in Edmond. I would be back living at my parents house again before long. So when I got went to college and came home and had a fuull time job for the summer I still felt like a mix of a kid and a grown up. There was always that future of another semster or year of college, part time work, taht college kid lifestyle. And for some reason kind of the same when I got the full time job I have now. Similar mentality of not grown up yet. There was still some invisible tie to the life here-a seeming respnsibility to what? And it's more how I view myself. I guess I realized that with this next move, there is a year lease but currently no exact timeline. There's no back to being a college kid and working part time again this next August. There's no "better get back home for your family" or whatever. It's go, get a job, be an adult because you don't absolutely need your parents to pay your bills anymore. There are no bills for them to pay out of state. I guess there's not a whole lot that will change except my view of myself. Let me rephrase that, of the many things that will change a key one will be my view f myself-at east that's me prediction. |
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